The moment S-432168’s vitals stopped reporting back to the North Pole it automatically triggered the countdown of the explosives implanted into each Santa unit. An unfortunate necessity after the master DNA samples began to deteriorate introducing increasing minor flaws in the Santa clones, such as failures in the fireproof skin gene mods. Introducing the Binford Tools SC6100. This right here everybody is no toy. This 6.2L forged aluminum and stainless steel small block engine feature direct injection, dual cam phasing, and an Omg I’m Like Literally Dead Shirt dual air to liquid intercooler so that supercharger always runs smooth! At 6400 RPMs and 650 horsepower, all the creatures will be stirring when you land this baby on their roof! Grunt grunt grunt.
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Same. I had to have the family cat euthanized because of a blood clot. Thing was, my parents weren’t even home, and I didn’t have my license yet – so I had to have my neighbor drive me to an emergency vet and have to be the one to sign the Omg I’m Like Literally Dead Shirt papers and such basically by myself and I don’t think I’ve cried anywhere near as hard since then. Literally one of the hardest moments of my life. I was like 18-19. How would I know it’s Santa if he’s burnt? Doubt his beard, red coat, hat, etc. would have survived so it would just look like some random dead fat guy in the living room. So, I’d scream and get my mom who would then call the cops.
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If I somehow did know it was Santa, I’d do the same thing but also wonder what he was doing visiting us since my family is Jewish and we never celebrate Christmas. Kinda his fault then for going into an Omg I’m Like Literally Dead Shirt house not expecting him – no one would have known to keep the fireplace unlit. I miss that cat. He was the absolute sweetest, spoiled, derp. My mom used to literally every night give him water in a cup (he liked to drink from cups. Maybe some psychological thing like he knew it was safe because we drank from cups.) while she gave him a “bath” with a damp washcloth and he would purr like a motor. He was the best.
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